By Ro’ya
When children enter adolescence, they become prone to lying, both by commission, and omission. They begin to lie more. I t becomes the easiest way to avoid trouble. They want to do what isn’t allowed, while still escaping the punishment . Psychology Today says “ The ‘ easy way out ’ turns out to be extremely expensive, particularly for teenagers who have gotten so deeply into lying that they feel trapped in a world of dishonesty, a world of their own fabrication.” What creates lying is intent. When someone tells an untruth with the i ntent to manipulate your thoughts into believing what they have said, then it becomes a lie. “ In my studies of 10–24-year olds in the U.S., Chile, the Philippines, Italy, Uganda, and Sweden, more than 95% reported lying about at least one of the issues we asked about. (Interestingly, the things children lie about are also fairly universal : school, doing chores, who they are with, where they went, drinking and substance use.)” S o I’m just one of many teenagers trying to live their best life in these trying times .
Parents can often feel betrayed and disappointed when they are lied to by their children, however it is important that they take into account that they were also young once, however many decades ago it may have been, and they too lied to their parents. They think that worse punishment will encourage their teens to stay away from dishonesty, however it often has the opposite effect. When teens such as myself lie, it can often be to get out of trouble. And when it so happens that the lie is ineffective, we learn to lie more convincingly, and if punishment becomes greater, then we lie more often to continue in our attempt to avoid it .
Teenagers lie normally for obvious reason.
To keep out of trouble with parents and hold on to their freedom
To keep private information away from people that don’t need to know
To keep their parents from being disappointed in them
Though most lies have obvious consequences, they can also have higher rewards. Getting away with something can usually outweigh getting in trouble for it. It’s rather a gamble, but one that most teenagers are willing to make. And parents usually aren’t very good at detecting lies, so it can be a relatively safe gamble. It’s just like people who play slot machines, they know that they have everything to lose, but they also have so much to gain. To get away with doing something that you know you shouldn’t be doing, means you can most likely get away with it again, therefore you can continue doing it. And if you get caught, then you know what not to do the next time.
We’re more likely to tell the truth when we believe a parent’s action is out of (ugh) sentiment, but we’re more likely to lie when we are in a global pandemic and are trying desperately to hang on to their last scraps of freedom and socialization.
From the ages 13-15 is the peak of dishonesty from the average teen. This is when rebellion is new enough that to us, it seems like all we have. And weigh that in with a pandemic taking away almost all human interaction that isn’t with your family, rebellion might actually be all we have left. We need to feel independent as much as we can at this age, because if you think about it, we’re preparing for the future when we have to be completely independent
In order to encourage us not to lie, parents should instead try lessening punishment when children are honest, and attempt to be less strict, because if there are less rules to break, less rules get broken. Parents may often be scared that, if children lie often about small details , they may lie when it comes to an instance where honesty would be extremely i mportant. Though it may be true that children often keep vastly important things from their parents, it is unusual for them to keep those details secret from others. For instance, if a child is drinking at a party and needs a ride home, they are unlikely to call parents for the fear of being punished for drinking, they will instead call a friend or an uber, and not drive home themselves. Its basic human nature to be dishonest with your parents to avoid their feelings of anger or disappointment, but that doesn’t mean that they’re never honest .
A quote from Child Mind Institute states that “ In a situation, where lying would have been easier, when parents are doling out the consequence, they can also praise the child for telling the truth and tell them it makes them more trustworthy. ” Praise can be a tough act to balance, and it can be difficult to settle on the right amount. Praise doesn’t have to be verbal, and the person on the receiving end doesn’t even need to realize they’re getting praised. By acting in a way that makes people think you trust them, they will feel good about having earned your trust, and it can act in a form of praise. Thus, they will be less likely to betray your trust, because they place more value in it. However, being confrontational and putting someone on the spot for something they did wrong often makes them feel like they have no choice but to lie. Though sudden confrontation should be avoided, ignoring the lie won’t make it go away . If a child feels like you trust them, they will be less likely to lie, for fear of breaking that bond and losing your trust. So, in order to establish an honest relationship with your kid, you should make them feel responsible, independent and trusted. Instead of forcing them to do things, make them feel as though they have an option , and you’re trusting them to make a decision on their own.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/thinking-about-kids/201504/why-you-lied-your-parents-and-what-they-really-knew
https://childmind.org/article/why-kids-lie/